800-671-4304How to Help an Alcoholic: A Guide For Families
If you have a family member who’s struggling with liquor, it’s important to educate the entire family on the disease of alcoholism, how to help an alcoholic, and how they can support their loved one’s recovery.
First and foremost, it’s imperative for families to accept and understand they can’t force a person to get help. While this creates difficult conundrums for families because we want our loved ones to get better, we can’t make them.
Alcohol addiction can destroy relationships, make daily routines impossible, and create serious physical complications leading to death. Alcoholism becomes a social problem when people get in cars to drive and potentially lead to devastating consequences for innocents.
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SponsoredAlcohol Use Disorder: The Basics
Alcohol addiction is a disease. Extensive research notes that alcohol addiction comes from changes in brain chemistry, genetic propensities, and trauma, abandonment, abuse and neglect during developmental years. Maladaptive behavior rarely results from just one incident and is often the result of a combination of contributing factors.
Alcohol detox is dangerous and can be life threatening. Withdrawal must be supervised by a medical professional. There are many facilities nationwide that can assist withdrawal and stabilization from alcohol. Long term recovery will take additional treatment, counseling, and a peer support system to sustain.
Help for families of alcoholics can be found via the 988 crisis lifeline or SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. Internet searches can provide local and national resources for recovery. These same tools are available if you’re helping a family member with alcohol use disorder.
Recognizing the Signs of Alcohol Use Disorder
There are some tell-tale signs a person has alcohol use disorder. These are evident to family members and friends who’ve seen their loved one change over time because of their liquor habits.
- A person’s behavior becomes secretive, and they start hiding things from you. They stop fulfilling responsibilities and don’t explain why.
- They’re having financial problems because they spend too much money on alcohol.
- They’re disappearing without telling anyone where they are or have been.
- There is a distinct smell of alcohol about them.
- Blood-shot eyes, slurred speech, staggering, sleeping excessively and not eating regularly are physical indicators of excessive alcohol consumption.
- They’re drinking when nobody else is, and you notice they drink more than everyone else. Or, you notice they don’t get inebriated from a few drinks and need to consume more for that effect.
- Denial, denial, denial. One of the biggest indicators of a person with a problem with alcohol is when you ask them about it, and they refuse to discuss or consider your concern.
The Diagnostic Statistical Manual V-TR (DSM-V-TR) provides specific criteria for professionals to diagnose alcohol use disorders. The more symptoms observed, the greater the severity. This level of severity determines the type of treatment a person needs.
DSM-V-TR has five areas of alcohol related disorders. They are alcohol use disorder, alcohol intoxication, alcohol withdrawal, alcohol-induced mental disorders and unspecified alcohol related disorders.
The last category is used because sometimes a person has all the symptoms of the first four categories but still needs help. For this reason, it’s important to get a professional assessment rather than guess at how bad things are. Only a professional mental health provider can diagnose substance use disorders.
If you or a loved one struggles with alcoholism, call now to find the best detox program for your needs.
SponsoredAlcohol use disorder is evaluated by how problematic the pattern of alcohol use is:
- The frequency and amount consumed continues to escalate
- Cravings for alcohol and withdrawal symptoms when not drinking
- The degree of impairment caused to daily living such as loss of job or relationships
- Severe consequences of using alcohol and continued use despite negative consequences
- Legal consequences such as DUI’s and incarceration
- Continuing to use alcohol despite negative consequences, such as a person with several citations for driving under the influence and served jail time but still wants to drink.
- Physical or mental conditions related to alcohol consumption such as depression and anxiety, stomach ulcers, rotten teeth, pancreatitis and kidney problems.
- Financial difficulties related to alcohol such as losing or not being able to keep a job, paying multiple fines, losing a house.
How Can Families Support Recovery?
Families can help their loved one get help through various channels. Knowing how to help someone with a drinking problem can seem daunting. But assistance can be easy to find based via the many treatment centers throughout the country.
Help for families of addicts is often part of their program. But even if a person doesn’t want to get help, it’s beneficial to learn about how to handle a loved one with a drinking problem.
Educate Yourself About the Disease of Alcoholism
The first thing you can do is educate yourself in the process of addiction and recovery. The disease model is well researched in medical science.
Websites like SAMHSA, NIHA, AA and AL-ANON provide resources to build awareness about substance use. Building the mental health of family and friends of persons with alcohol use disorders is essential to their recovery.
Understand that no recovery story is the same. Reading the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is an effective way to understand alcoholism in people we love. Experience, strength and hope is the theme of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
The more you come to understand that people can’t just quit or just do something different and that they need professional help to change, the better you’ll be able to support your loved one.
Interventions
Addiction professionals provide interventions for families who want to confront the behavior of a loved one or friend whose life is out of control. This process involves a gentle confrontation using the concerns and experiences of those on the outside looking in.
Interventionists are often in recovery themselves and intervene by sharing their stories. It’s best to wait until a person is not using alcohol and may be more open to hearing what others have to say.
Avoid Blaming and Shaming
Family and friends then share what they see, how they feel, and how they’re afraid for the life of their loved one. During an intervention, it’s crucial to avoid blaming, shaming and using language that accuses and causes resentment.
Using “I” statements about your feelings and concerns can defuse the defensiveness or humiliation the person being confronted may feel. The main goal of an intervention is to help the person see how their alcoholism is affecting everyone around them who cares about them.
Interventions are often the first step in helping a person seek treatment. If they agree that they need to change their lifestyle, the next step is to get them into a detox center for medically supervised withdrawal.
Many detox centers use medications to ease the symptoms of withdrawal and may take up to 14 days. Most accept private insurance, Medicaid and Medicare.
Attend Support Groups
Whether your loved one attends treatment and successfully recovers from alcohol, it’s beneficial for you to attend alcoholic family support groups specifically designed for those who live with individuals with alcohol use disorders.
Al-Anon is designed to support families and friends of alcoholics. This program has been around almost as long as AA. Another support program is CODA, which addresses the codependent behaviors of enablers. Understanding codependency and how it contributes to the alcoholic’s behavior is essential because love can sometimes be toxic.
Avoiding Harmful Behaviors: What Not to Do
Doing your part means more than just offering support. Sometimes, it can take the form of tough love and not enabling your loved one’s drinking. At times, it may seem easier to just give in rather than hold an alcoholic accountable. But becoming an enabler often contributes to the problem.
Stop Enabling Behavior
Enabling occurs when a family member steps in to prevent a person from experiencing the full consequences of their behavior. It can consist of paying fines or treatment, bailing them out of jail, and blaming and judging other people for what your loved one has done.
Enabling can include making excuses for how a person behaves instead of allowing them to be confronted. Another form of enabling is trying to prevent a person from suffering the discomfort of withdrawal.
Dealing with Denial and Resistance
Alcoholism does not exist in a void. The surrounding environment is part of the addictive process and must also be addressed for recovery to happen. Becoming aware of what triggers a person helps you reach out to help them.
It’s important to understand how some people may be a key trigger and should not be included in an intervention. When a person isn’t ready to change, leave an opening for future conversations by letting them know you care about them.
Without threats and ultimatums, sometimes it’s necessary to separate yourself from the person while they continue self-destructive behavior. For your own mental health welfare, you may want to let the person know you’ll no longer enable them.
What To Do In A Crisis
In life threatening situations, always call 911 and ask for an ambulance to meet you at the scene. If your loved one is unconscious, roll them on their side to avoid aspiration vomit. If your loved one is having a seizure, try to prevent them from injuring themselves.
Signs of overdose on alcohol may include not breathing, vomiting, severe shakes, and hallucinations. Regardless of the symptoms, it’s vital to plan for the event of an alcohol induced emergency.
Talking to Kids about Parents with a Drinking Problem
It’s essential to support children whose parents and loved ones have alcohol use disorders. Kids don’t process information the same way adults do and often believe they’re the cause of family problems.
It’s imperative to reassure the child that they aren’t the reason their parent or loved one acts the way they do. Framing alcohol use disorders as a disease helps the children understand that this isn’t just bad behavior, but is actually something that can’t be controlled without help.
There are also support groups for children such as AlaTeen that specifically address learning coping skills when living with an alcoholic. SAMHSA also has resources for kids dealing with addicted parents.
Private counseling and small group therapy are also helpful. Keeping children involved in social groups and avoiding isolation helps the child feel a sense of normalcy in an otherwise chaotic environment caused by addiction.
Quitting alcohol alone can be dangerous. Get the treatment help you need today!
SponsoredDetox and Rehab Options
After a detox of 7-14 days, a 30 day inpatient program is suggested to allow your loved one to fully adjust to the absence of alcohol in their system. This period mainly focuses on learning to eat and sleep regularly, finding things to do in the spare time usually spent on drinking, and building new support systems outside of alcohol use.
Many 30-day inpatient programs have time for family members to participate in treatment along with the client. This can help in mending broken trust and communication.
Long term care programs can offer inpatient residential programming with counseling with a graduation to outpatient status.
These programs can last up to two years for persons to reintegrate into the workforce and daily living while remaining in a protected environment. Learning to avoid the harmful behaviors that often create environmental and emotional triggers help people remain in recovery long term.
How to Choose a Rehab or Detox Center
Look for accreditation by The Joint Commission on Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations (JACHO) or the Commission on Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities (CARF). Along with state licensure, treatment facilities must follow specific parameters to be accredited.
Staff members must also be licensed by the state. This includes substance use counselors, social workers, independent counselors, psychiatrists and psychologists.
You may want to ask what kinds of medications are used when detoxing a person off alcohol. The use of sedatives to prevent seizures is common in detox from alcohol. Medical assisted treatment (MAT), which includes options like naltrexone and acamprosate, is used to support recovery after detox.
Paying for Treatment
Programs are available for those who can’t pay for treatment. They’re often funded by the state and can be located through the Department of Health and Human Services.
Many centers take insurance and do the billing for the patient. Some accept Medicaid and Medicare for qualified patients.
Private pay treatment centers tend to be the most expensive programs.
The treatment center will verify insurance coverage for the patient and let them know how many days are paid for, if there is a copay, if they’re in network or not, and what’s exactly covered in the treatment process. Call the insurance carrier first and find out if the treatment center is covered by their payor.
Supporting Your Loved One after Detox and Rehab
Be sure to attend any family sessions offered by the treatment center to get a better idea of how to support your loved ones after treatment. All treatment programs provide an aftercare plan. The more a family can be involved in that plan, the better.
Maintain your own self-care by attending your support meetings and counseling sessions to continue your healing process. Learn how to set and maintain boundaries for your safety and of your loved one.
Don’t enable bad behavior. Protect vulnerable family members like children from continued exposure to addictive behaviors. Remember, It’s not your job to keep other people sober. They must work their own program.
FAQS: How to Help an Alcoholic
Detox is the process of withdrawal and stabilization from drugs or alcohol. It generally lasts anywhere from 3 to 14 days depending on the amount used, type of drug or alcohol, and period of use. Rehab takes place after detox and can be inpatient or outpatient. It can last for up to several years and is necessary to help people remain in recovery.
Only the courts can mandate a person to treatment. But if they don’t want to get better, they aren’t going to. Nobody can force anyone to change if they don’t want to.
Get out of the way and let the natural consequences take their course. Stop enabling, set healthy boundaries, do your own work by going to meetings and getting the counseling you need to learn to live with the situation.
Support meetings like AlANON, AlATEEN, and CODA and personal counseling will help you learn how to set boundaries. SAMHSA, and NAMI have resources online.
Alcohol detox is the crucial first step for anyone’s recovery journey.
SponsoredThere’s no socioeconomic class, gender, religion, race or ethnic group exempt from the destructive nature of addiction. The families with loved ones struggling are also suffering. When one member of the family steps forward to get help, it can have a catalytic effect on everyone else.
The best way to help an addict or alcoholic is to help yourself, reach out in love and be available if they want help. But never think you can do it for them, because that just causes more problems.